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Tragedy by Latoya Lackey 7/11/18 There is a silence that happens when tragedy hits. It’s deafening. It blocks out everything else around you. You move in slow motion. Your mind engraves images deep into your brain. You try to walk, putting one foot in front of the other and still you go nowhere. There are moments where you feel you might faint or throw up. You try to take a deep breath, but your chest feels so tight, it won’t let the air in. You know you must move.

You move, taking the next step, breathing the next breath.

Your thoughts are moving faster than reality.

How will I make it through this?

How will I tell people?

Will things go back to normal?

What is normal?

What will my new normal be?

You notice that the world just keeps going around.

People keep going about their lives.

They still go shopping. They still go to work. They still go to ballgames.

Don’t they know?

Don’t they see that everything is different now?

Don’t they sense how the world has turned upside down and you can’t hold on?

The hours tick by.

The days pass.

Sun up. Sun down.

You take a nap to pass the time but then the dreams are too much.

You can’t read.

You can’t watch Netflix.

You just stay in the bubble of false safety that has formed around you.

Tears appear out of nowhere.

Pain hits from the least likely of places.

You try to cut it off, shut it down but it bubbles up again.

A smell takes you back.

A song remembers.

A memory flashes and there you are. Back where you began.

You walk through grief in different ways. Different paths to healing. To your new normal.

No way is right, no way is wrong. It just is.

You seek God.

You ask questions that don’t get answered.

You try to find His peace.

There are days when He is holding you up and days where He is nowhere to be found.

You just push ahead.

Eventually light doesn’t scare you and dreams aren’t so bad.

Eventually you use the pain to help heal the wound.

Eventually you can talk about it and not break down.

Eventually you can smile and remember.

The hole is never filled.

The scar never fades away.

You just learn to see the place and recognize that it was part of your journey.

You learn to tell your story.

You learn to help others walk the path.

Life is never the same when that silence of tragedy hits.

But you will hear again.

You will breath again.

You will live again.

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